Another Wonderful Week.

"Have I not told you? Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1)

Last week started with God leading me to read the book of Joshua. I read the verse above and thought, "yeah I know this, I've read this like a million times. Of course I know this." Little did I realise that this verse would be the theme of my week in which God was just adding a little bit more to the bigger picture of knowing more about who He is.

To put it in short, I need to be constantly reminded about who God is and how much He just wants to pour out His goodness and love to me everyday of my life. Since being here, I've been encouraged by friends here and other random people that God sees me as someone as strong and courageous- basically everything I don't see myself as. I'm scared of everything. Timid and inferior. One day, a friend came up to me and said, "God wanted me to tell you that you shouldn't limit yourself as that means you limit Him. Don't put Him in a box." It took me a while for that to sink in, and when it did, I just realised that God was again taking the first step to reach out to me. Just thinking about that and His death on the cross made me realise how much He risked to reach out to me.

I was gutted. I don't ever believe that I can be used in a mighty way and I lack much confidence. But here was God just telling me through people showing me His faithfulness and reminding me about His love. I was bursting with tears in class on thursday just thinking about the cross that I just couldn't contain as I felt God saying to me, "This is my love for You. Though you don't believe in me, I've put you on random people's minds to try and tell you that I love you." I walked back to my room after I had calmed down and I just stood there and a friend asked if I was okay. I looked up, paused and then replied still trying to figure things out in my mind, "God is just...awesome. I don't deserve it.." and all of a sudden I just fell to the floor and burst out in tears that I just couldnt control. I didn't really know what was happening but all I knew was that I was just experiencing God's love which was just cutting me to the heart in a way that was just so strong that I had to lie down.

I felt so stupid for saying that I want to know God and that I understand Him and what Jesus had done for me. But I think we all need to be constantly reminded that it's not just about what we know or what we say, but we need the revelations from God that keep us going. Every week I'm going through a cycle of trying not to be selfish and give God everything. It's so painful and it seems lame to even do something you don't normally do but I've come to find that just being bold and doing something God wants you to do, even though you would never do it, feels awesome once you've obeyed. But I'm beginning to realise that that's exactly what life with God is all about. Just relying on Him and not myself. I've done things that I never thought I could do or would never think twice about doing. For example, I had to give a talk about God's love this week and I had no idea what I was going to say till I was there at that moment talking. I was nervous, terrified and I'm not a public speaker at all. However, I was saying things I had never thought about and I could really just feel God speaking through me. It was amazing.

So yeah, learning lots about just trusting God even though in my little mind can't comprehend how things could work out. And it feels good cos I'm working through living up to a potential I thought I never could achieve but all things are possible through Him.

We're never meant to walk this life alone, to strive for something great for ourselves. It's humanly impossible to a live a life that God wants us to live. Which is why we're supposed to ask Him for help. He made the universe, I'm certain He will see me through.

One life to live. I'm not gonna live it in my little bubble. Life is too short to live for things that will pass away.




Oh and the week ended with a weekend full of free cotton candy making the beach and just awesome YWAM family bonding. I love how even though all my friends here are from everywhere, we still get along well and when there is tension, we talk it out, we try to love each other. Genuine relationships built on a strong foundation bonded by God's love for all of us - it will never be broken.