Phewf!

What an awesome week, what an awesome day, what an awesome God!

I just want to write a quick note to say that today was a day where after learning so much about God and repentance, I was challenged to give everything to Him in asking for forgiveness for everything from things I had done, things I struggle(d) with and just having a wrong view of God and myself.

I've been so selfish, so driven by what's good for me and what I feel even when it comes to saying sorry to God. God has been awesome in showing me that it grieves Him so much when we don't listen to Him. Before Jesus died on the cross, he said "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do." Jesus already took the first step to forgive us before we did. Just understanding what Jesus had to go through so that he would die for everyone just makes me want to cry and just thank God for all He has done.

So to summarize things, I'm glad that all these burdens have been lifted from me and that I have Jesus in my heart who has just taken all my pain and shame on the cross. I have a lot to do now by asking certain people to forgive me which is not an easy task but I'm ready to be open because no longer do I want to feel guilty, no longer do I want to be who I was before, but I want to find my identity in Christ.

No longer do I think that I'm a failure, that I could never love God but I am just so completely amazed by Him and His faithfulness to me throughout my life, that all I want to do is just give my life to Him so that He can use it to make Himself known.

No longer do I want my life to be a lie. I want people to know who I was and who I am now. I want to start afresh. Make a change. I'm not going to waste my life pursuing my own selfish desires as it leads to heartache and emptiness.

No longer will I be persuaded by people, or tossed to and fro trying to be a people pleaser. That is not who I want to be, and that won't be who I am. I am not gonna spend my life trying to fix myself and trying to get everything right cos then I'd just fall over. I'm just going to focus on knowing God, making Him known and being completely amazed by Him and His works.

It's going to take a whole lot of work to relearn a lot of things I thought I knew or took for granted. I'm probably going to stumble here and there and face lots of challenges. It won't be easy and I know it'll be a pretty lonely road at times, but as long as God is with me, I have nothing to worry about.


I'm a fool for Christ! :)